From Surviving to Thriving: Rebuilding Your Life After Abuse
By: Tanya Bashor
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time to talk about the hidden wounds left by abuse. Most people think of domestic violence as physical bodily harm, but it’s important to recognize that abuse can show up in other ways too; emotionally, psychologically, and even financially. Each form of abuse can deeply impact your sense of self-worth, mental health, and financial stability.
When people hear the word "abuse," they often picture someone with bruises or visible injuries. But emotional and psychological abuse can be just as damaging, sometimes even more so. Emotional abuse includes manipulation, constant criticism, and gaslighting, where the abuser makes you doubt your reality. Psychological abuse can show up as threats, isolating you from friends and family, stalking, or controlling every aspect of your life. Then there’s financial abuse, which is often overlooked. This happens when the abuser controls all the money or deliberately ruins your credit, making it more difficult to leave or gain independence from the abuser.
These forms of abuse slowly chip away at your confidence, eventually leaving you feeling powerless, trapped, and with your self-esteem shattered. The trauma doesn’t simply end when the abuse stops. Long after, many survivors still deal with low self-worth, anxiety, depression, and even PTSD.
Healing from abuse takes more than just time, it requires a deliberate journey of rebuilding your self-love and self-compassion. It’s common to feel guilt, shame, or blame yourself for the abuse, but part of the healing process is realizing that none of it was your fault. The abuse happened to you; it wasn’t because of you.
Self-love starts with creating healthy boundaries for yourself. This often means protecting yourself by completely cutting off contact with your abuser, whether it’s blocking them on your phone, telling friends and family not to share updates about them, or ensuring they can’t follow you on social media. It might seem overwhelming, but setting these boundaries is critical to beginning your healing process. It allows you to focus on yourself and create a safe space where you can heal without fear of being re-traumatized and abused again.
Along with boundaries, practicing self-compassion is key. This means being gentle with yourself as you move through the ups and downs of recovery. Healing isn’t a straight line, it’s a process, and there will be hard days. Show yourself grace, recognizing the strength it took to survive and be mindful to celebrate even the smallest steps toward rebuilding your life. Reassure yourself that you did the best you could at the time, and now that you know better, you can choose better.
Healing from abuse is about taking back your life. It’s about realizing and believing that you fully deserve love, peace, and joy, and stepping into confidently knowing your worth by accepting nothing less. October is a time to not only raise awareness about domestic violence but to also honor the incredible strength it takes to heal. And remember, healing begins with the love you give to yourself.
One of the most empowering things you can do that will expedite your healing is to seek support from a toxic relationship recovery coach or therapist who will guide you through the pain, help you rediscover your inner strength, and work with you to move toward post-traumatic growth.
Toxic relationship recovery coaches offer a supportive space where you can rebuild at your own pace. They’ll help you set boundaries, realize your worth, release old wounds, and tap into your resilience. Therapists can guide you in understanding how trauma affects your mind and body, using approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or somatic therapies to help you heal emotionally and physically.
Working with a coach or therapist isn’t just about surviving abuse; it’s about thriving. The goal is post-traumatic growth, taking the pain you’ve experienced and turning it into strength, finding new meaning and purpose in life. Healing is absolutely possible, and seeking professional help can be a powerful first step toward reclaiming your future.
By seeking support and healing the trauma caused by abuse you can build a life not defined by the abuse you endured but by the strength, resilience, and growth that you have discovered along the way and move from merely surviving to absolutely thriving.
BIO:
Tanya Bashor is the heart and soul of Impart Clarity. Originally from Hereford, England, Tanya has called Pittsburgh, PA, home for over three decades.
Tanya's career has spanned various areas, including management, coaching, and people development in both financial services and workforce development.
However, her life's journey has ultimately led her to discover her true calling and mission: empowering women to emerge stronger after facing abuse.
Tanya's life has thrown her into some tough situations where she felt degraded, depressed, and overwhelmed due to trauma, bullying, and abusive circumstances. She understands the weight of making challenging decisions that affect careers, families, and friendships, having experienced two decades of narcissistic abuse.
During her personal journey, she recognized the importance of healing and rediscovering her sense of self. She explored various therapies and ultimately worked with a life coach to regain her purpose and find healing.
Fueled by her passion for personal development, Tanya dove into high-performance coaching and trauma recovery. She became an ICF & CPD accredited Trauma-Informed Somatic Coach, Narcissistic Abuse Specialist™, a hypnotherapist, and a level II brainspotting practitioner, all of which she now incorporates into her coaching sessions.
Tanya takes immense pride in providing her clients with support and guidance, encouraging them to emerge stronger with each step along the way.
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